{"id":126917,"date":"2025-07-16T15:23:52","date_gmt":"2025-07-16T23:23:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/07\/16\/alan-dershowitz-reprises-role-as-captain-underpants\/"},"modified":"2025-07-16T15:23:52","modified_gmt":"2025-07-16T23:23:52","slug":"alan-dershowitz-reprises-role-as-captain-underpants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/07\/16\/alan-dershowitz-reprises-role-as-captain-underpants\/","title":{"rendered":"Alan Dershowitz Reprises Role As Captain Underpants"},"content":{"rendered":"

You have the right to remain silent, Alan Dershowitz<\/em>. <\/p>\n

No one is making you run to the Wall Street Journal and remind<\/a> us again that you are up to your underpants \u2014 which you never took off! \u2014 in the Jeffrey Epstein mess.<\/p>\n

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Four years ago, when Dersh was a sprightly 81-year-old, we opined<\/a> that someone who loved him should take his phone and throw it into the ocean. Quick! Do it now, while he\u2019s weeping in the waves<\/a> that no one wants to join him for a no-pants picnic at his favorite nude beach on Martha\u2019s Vineyard!<\/p>\n

If this guy would just STFU for ten minutes, maybe people would forget about the role he played in getting Epstein that disgraceful plea deal<\/a> in Florida. Or that Dersh characterized Epstein\u2019s child victims as prostitutes. Or that he engaged in a years-long flame war<\/a> with one of those victims, the late Virginia Giuffre, and her lawyer, David Boies. <\/p>\n

Sadly, it was not meant to be. <\/p>\n

Instead Dersh spent the past four years selling himself as some kind of apostate liberal and shilling for pillow pumping loons<\/a> like Mike Lindell. So it\u2019s not exactly surprising that at the very moment the flames of the scandal threaten to engulf the Trump administration, the professor is racing in from stage right, stripping down to his skivvies and diving into the fire.<\/p>\n

The WSJ piece promises \u201cThe Inside Scoop on Jeffrey Epstein.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was his lawyer. I know things that court orders won\u2019t allow me to disclose,\u201d he vamps in the subhed.<\/p>\n

But like an aging burlesque dancer, he leans heavy into winking titillation, covering up the bits that might offend his viewers\u2019 delicate sensibilities.<\/p>\n

Dershowitz says there is no \u201cclient list,\u201d and also no one you know is on it:<\/p>\n

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Epstein never created a \u201cclient list.\u201d The FBI interviewed alleged victims who named several \u201cclients.\u201d These names have been redacted. They should be disclosed but the courts have ordered them sealed. I know who they are. They don\u2019t include any current officeholders.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Last week, the DOJ said<\/a> that \u201cThe files relating to Epstein include a large volume of images of Epstein, images and videos of victims who are either minors or appear to be minors, and over ten thousand downloaded videos and images of illegal child sex abuse material and other pornography.\u201d But Dersh says that the only tapes \u201care of public areas of his Palm Beach, Fla., home,\u201d and the camera was installed by cops after a burglary. He did not say when he made this discovery.<\/p>\n

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I hope Epstein made videos
There have been suggestions that Epstein made secret videos of all the men who had sex in his houses and planes. I hope he did and they are all revealed, because they will prove I am not among them. I hereby waive any right of privacy in Epstein videos.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Alan Dershowitz (@AlanDersh) July 5, 2020<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Dershowitz says that President Trump is pure and innocent, Epstein was never a Mossad agent according to \u201cmy sources in Israel,\u201d and the notorious pedophile probably killed himself after being deliberately left alone by his jailers.<\/p>\n

He did not repeat his prior tirade against age of consent laws.<\/p>\n

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I challenge my readers to distinguish the cases, as a matter of constitutional law. I did not suggest that it is moral to have sex with a 16 year old, but rather that the issue presents a constitutional conundrum worthy of discussion. 2\/<\/p>\n

\u2014 Alan Dershowitz (@AlanDersh) July 29, 2019<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Instead he tut-tutted about \u201cgossip mongers\u201d annoyed when \u201cstubborn facts (or the absence of facts) get in the way of a juicy theory.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cSorry to disappoint you, but there is really nothing much to see here, beyond what has already been disclosed,\u201d he concluded, reminding us all that he\u2019s got nothing to say, and he\u2019s going to keep saying it in our faces as long as he\u2019s able.<\/p>\n

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Liz Dye<\/a>\u00a0lives in Baltimore where she produces the Law and Chaos\u00a0substack<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0podcast<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

The post Alan Dershowitz Reprises Role As Captain Underpants<\/a> appeared first on Above the Law<\/a>.<\/p>\n

You have the right to remain silent, Alan Dershowitz<\/em>. <\/p>\n

No one is making you run to the Wall Street Journal and remind<\/a> us again that you are up to your underpants \u2014 which you never took off! \u2014 in the Jeffrey Epstein mess.<\/p>\n