![\"switch](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/turn-off-your-inner-attorney-and-leave-your-lawyer-at-work.jpg?resize=770%2C495&ssl=1\" "\\"\\"")
Table of contents<\/h2>\n\n- It\u2019s OK to Leave Your Lawyer at Work<\/a>\n
\n- 1. Don\u2019t Cross-Examine Your Friends and Family<\/a><\/li>\n
- 2. It\u2019s OK to Be Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n
- 3. Temper Pessimism and Risk-Averseness<\/a><\/li>\n
- 4. Take a Leap of Faith Sometimes!<\/a><\/li>\n
- 5. Don\u2019t Narrow Your Perception<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Don\u2019t Worry About Leaving Your Lawyer at Work<\/a><\/li>\n
- Related Reading on Attorney at Work<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
Certain personality traits make us good lawyers. For example, most lawyers are professional pessimists, able to spot possible catastrophes in a transaction and anticipate a wide range of problems in any scenario. Most of us are also urgent, efficient, intense and results-oriented. And we learn to regulate our emotions to be effective.<\/p>\n
Sounds great, right? Maybe. But while these traits make you a good lawyer, they do not make for a happy life. What to do? I spoke with Tal Fagin<\/a>, a former M&A attorney and a certified life coach, about the importance of \u201cleaving your lawyer at work,\u201d so you can have a better personal life and more meaningful relationships.<\/p>\nIt\u2019s OK to Leave Your Lawyer at Work<\/h2>\n
Here are Fagin\u2019s top five strategies for turning off your inner attorney.<\/p>\n
1. Don\u2019t Cross-Examine Your Friends and Family<\/strong><\/h3>\nWe lawyers want things to be right. In a great litigation practice, lawyers engage in cross-examination \u2014\u00a0intense questioning used to challenge and correct. At work, and often in the other aspects of our lives, we try to do things correctly, and we expect others to follow. We speak precisely and expect that others will, too. \u201cSay what you mean, and mean what you say!\u201d But in your personal relationships, you really don\u2019t need to point out every little thing that is not precisely accurate. In fact, this tendency to correct is quite unwelcome by others. Sometimes it might be better to gloss over things for the sake of harmony.<\/p>\n
Instead of focusing on the details, look at the big picture and ask yourself: Would you rather be right in this particular situation or loved in this relationship? As Ruth Bader Ginsburg said about personal relationships: \u201cEvery now and then, it helps to be a little deaf.\u201d<\/p>\n
2. It\u2019s OK to Be Wrong<\/strong><\/h3>\nLawyers are in the business of being smart and knowledgeable. Clients expect it, and oftentimes it is unacceptable to be wrong. It can be difficult to remember that your friends and family don\u2019t have this same expectation. You don\u2019t need to be an expert in everything, all the time. This can be a particularly problematic personality trait to leave at work because\u00a0lawyers can be very attached to their identities as smart and expert. But beware: Always being the expert can lead to disconnection and loneliness. Others simply admire you from afar but never feel able to connect with you because you lack vulnerability.<\/p>\n
Instead of trying to prove to your friends (or worse, your spouse) how smart you are, let others speak, ask them questions, and learn from them. Like a good deposition, information gathering is important; and in personal relationships, it is crucial to effective communication. Leave your expert image at work so your personal relationships with friends and loved ones can improve.<\/p>\n
3. Temper Pessimism and Risk-Averseness<\/strong><\/h3>\nLawyers are trained to focus on the worst-case scenario. Pessimism is a helpful character trait because it enables us to anticipate problems. This kind of pessimism is important to prudent legal advice \u2014 it helps us advise clients on how to avoid these potentialities or defend against them. This is precisely the skill that clients expect their attorney to possess, and they pay well for it. But this \u201cprofessional pessimism\u201d doesn\u2019t serve us well in our personal lives. On the contrary, pessimism and risk-averseness significantly limit our potential. Both traits make us loathe failure, which can make us afraid even to try. Without branching out in our personal lives, we can\u2019t experience anything new or grow as a person. We live on the surface of our lives, without ever \u201cdigging in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nRecognize that the lawyer in you will almost always shut down any activity or idea that is deemed risky. Determine not to listen to that lawyer sometimes. Make it your goal to enjoy your life, not simply survive it.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
4. Take a Leap of Faith Sometimes!<\/strong><\/h3>\nLawyers like evidence. We rely on precedent. Our clients expect us to review the law, the facts and the evidence and provide guidance on potential outcomes. Although this is a tried-and-true way to make decisions at work, it may not be the best way to make decisions in your personal life. Truthfully, the lawyer\u2019s logical, mind-centric \u201csuper-analysis\u201d is unnecessary in many areas of your personal life. Getting out of your head and into your body can be just what you need to make better decisions and start enjoying your life more. Your mind will tell you all sorts of things, but your body never lies.<\/p>\n
The next time you are faced with a decision in your personal life, focus on how your body feels when you consider your options. For a change, listen to your body instead of your head. As Robin Sharma<\/a> says, \u201cThe mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.\u201d So, leave the evidence collection for your arguments, negotiations and legal briefs, and take a leap of faith sometimes.<\/p>\n5. Don\u2019t Narrow Your Perception<\/strong><\/h3>\nWhen representing clients, lawyers often narrow their focus to find only facts that support their client\u2019s position. This works well when advocating for your client in negotiations and litigation. Unfortunately, narrowing your lens in your personal life can alienate you and cause you to miss many things going on around you. This doesn\u2019t help you, and it certainly does not help your personal relationships. <\/p>\n
When you narrow your perception, everything becomes an opportunity to collect evidence to support your version of the story. Instead, open your eyes to others\u2019 perspectives, especially when you are having difficulty with someone else\u2019s personality traits, and be objective.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t Worry About Leaving Your Lawyer at Work <\/h2>\n
Of course the personality traits that make you a great lawyer are useful sometimes, in some situations, outside of the office. There is much more to you, however, than the person who shows up to work each day. You are more. eave your lawyer at work!<\/p>\n
Photo by Unsplash<\/a><\/small><\/small><\/p>\nRelated Reading on Attorney at Work<\/h2>\n
- \n
- 1. Don\u2019t Cross-Examine Your Friends and Family<\/a><\/li>\n
- 2. It\u2019s OK to Be Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n
- 3. Temper Pessimism and Risk-Averseness<\/a><\/li>\n
- 4. Take a Leap of Faith Sometimes!<\/a><\/li>\n
- 5. Don\u2019t Narrow Your Perception<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Don\u2019t Worry About Leaving Your Lawyer at Work<\/a><\/li>\n
- Related Reading on Attorney at Work<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n
Certain personality traits make us good lawyers. For example, most lawyers are professional pessimists, able to spot possible catastrophes in a transaction and anticipate a wide range of problems in any scenario. Most of us are also urgent, efficient, intense and results-oriented. And we learn to regulate our emotions to be effective.<\/p>\n
Sounds great, right? Maybe. But while these traits make you a good lawyer, they do not make for a happy life. What to do? I spoke with Tal Fagin<\/a>, a former M&A attorney and a certified life coach, about the importance of \u201cleaving your lawyer at work,\u201d so you can have a better personal life and more meaningful relationships.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s OK to Leave Your Lawyer at Work<\/h2>\n
Here are Fagin\u2019s top five strategies for turning off your inner attorney.<\/p>\n
1. Don\u2019t Cross-Examine Your Friends and Family<\/strong><\/h3>\n
We lawyers want things to be right. In a great litigation practice, lawyers engage in cross-examination \u2014\u00a0intense questioning used to challenge and correct. At work, and often in the other aspects of our lives, we try to do things correctly, and we expect others to follow. We speak precisely and expect that others will, too. \u201cSay what you mean, and mean what you say!\u201d But in your personal relationships, you really don\u2019t need to point out every little thing that is not precisely accurate. In fact, this tendency to correct is quite unwelcome by others. Sometimes it might be better to gloss over things for the sake of harmony.<\/p>\n
Instead of focusing on the details, look at the big picture and ask yourself: Would you rather be right in this particular situation or loved in this relationship? As Ruth Bader Ginsburg said about personal relationships: \u201cEvery now and then, it helps to be a little deaf.\u201d<\/p>\n
2. It\u2019s OK to Be Wrong<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Lawyers are in the business of being smart and knowledgeable. Clients expect it, and oftentimes it is unacceptable to be wrong. It can be difficult to remember that your friends and family don\u2019t have this same expectation. You don\u2019t need to be an expert in everything, all the time. This can be a particularly problematic personality trait to leave at work because\u00a0lawyers can be very attached to their identities as smart and expert. But beware: Always being the expert can lead to disconnection and loneliness. Others simply admire you from afar but never feel able to connect with you because you lack vulnerability.<\/p>\n
Instead of trying to prove to your friends (or worse, your spouse) how smart you are, let others speak, ask them questions, and learn from them. Like a good deposition, information gathering is important; and in personal relationships, it is crucial to effective communication. Leave your expert image at work so your personal relationships with friends and loved ones can improve.<\/p>\n
3. Temper Pessimism and Risk-Averseness<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Lawyers are trained to focus on the worst-case scenario. Pessimism is a helpful character trait because it enables us to anticipate problems. This kind of pessimism is important to prudent legal advice \u2014 it helps us advise clients on how to avoid these potentialities or defend against them. This is precisely the skill that clients expect their attorney to possess, and they pay well for it. But this \u201cprofessional pessimism\u201d doesn\u2019t serve us well in our personal lives. On the contrary, pessimism and risk-averseness significantly limit our potential. Both traits make us loathe failure, which can make us afraid even to try. Without branching out in our personal lives, we can\u2019t experience anything new or grow as a person. We live on the surface of our lives, without ever \u201cdigging in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n
Recognize that the lawyer in you will almost always shut down any activity or idea that is deemed risky. Determine not to listen to that lawyer sometimes. Make it your goal to enjoy your life, not simply survive it.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n
4. Take a Leap of Faith Sometimes!<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Lawyers like evidence. We rely on precedent. Our clients expect us to review the law, the facts and the evidence and provide guidance on potential outcomes. Although this is a tried-and-true way to make decisions at work, it may not be the best way to make decisions in your personal life. Truthfully, the lawyer\u2019s logical, mind-centric \u201csuper-analysis\u201d is unnecessary in many areas of your personal life. Getting out of your head and into your body can be just what you need to make better decisions and start enjoying your life more. Your mind will tell you all sorts of things, but your body never lies.<\/p>\n
The next time you are faced with a decision in your personal life, focus on how your body feels when you consider your options. For a change, listen to your body instead of your head. As Robin Sharma<\/a> says, \u201cThe mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.\u201d So, leave the evidence collection for your arguments, negotiations and legal briefs, and take a leap of faith sometimes.<\/p>\n
5. Don\u2019t Narrow Your Perception<\/strong><\/h3>\n
When representing clients, lawyers often narrow their focus to find only facts that support their client\u2019s position. This works well when advocating for your client in negotiations and litigation. Unfortunately, narrowing your lens in your personal life can alienate you and cause you to miss many things going on around you. This doesn\u2019t help you, and it certainly does not help your personal relationships. <\/p>\n
When you narrow your perception, everything becomes an opportunity to collect evidence to support your version of the story. Instead, open your eyes to others\u2019 perspectives, especially when you are having difficulty with someone else\u2019s personality traits, and be objective.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t Worry About Leaving Your Lawyer at Work <\/h2>\n
Of course the personality traits that make you a great lawyer are useful sometimes, in some situations, outside of the office. There is much more to you, however, than the person who shows up to work each day. You are more. eave your lawyer at work!<\/p>\n
Photo by Unsplash<\/a><\/small><\/small><\/p>\n
Related Reading on Attorney at Work<\/h2>\n
- 2. It\u2019s OK to Be Wrong<\/a><\/li>\n
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