{"id":132090,"date":"2025-08-27T02:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-08-27T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/08\/27\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/"},"modified":"2025-08-27T02:00:00","modified_gmt":"2025-08-27T10:00:00","slug":"how-to-give-tough-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/08\/27\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Give Tough Feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Instead of going into full-on Godzilla mode when giving tough feedack, try something that actually helps people grow, says Merrilyn Astin Tarlton. Listen on Attorney at Work Today.<br \/>\nThe post How to Give Tough Feedback appeared first on Articles, Tips and Tech for Law Firms and Lawyers.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>When delivering negative feedback, we think we must be firm and unyielding (even a bit mean). But tough feedback doesn\u2019t have to make people feel bad. Try something that works instead.<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"wp-block-group cust-audio-set\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<div class=\"exemag-video-wrapper\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"180\" frameborder=\"no\" src=\"https:\/\/share.transistor.fm\/e\/65b66be4\">[embedded content]<\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"wp-block-yoast-seo-table-of-contents yoast-table-of-contents\">\n<h2>Table of contents<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-how-to-give-tough-feedback-that-helps-people-grow\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">How to Give Tough Feedback That Helps People Grow<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-1-first-get-clear-about-the-goal\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">1. First, get clear about the goal.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-2-speak-in-the-passive-voice-not-the-active\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">2. Speak in the passive voice, not the active.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-3-make-suggestions-actionable\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">3. Make suggestions actionable.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-4-invite-collaboration\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">4. Invite collaboration.<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/how-to-give-tough-feedback\/#h-5-encourage-the-heart\" data-level=\"2\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">5. Encourage the heart.<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<p>I once worked with a midlevel manager who, when advised of someone\u2019s shoddy work or bad behavior, would inevitably respond with a simple, \u201cOK, I\u2019ll tell her.\u201d And that was exactly what he would do: Take the person aside, metaphorically hold his nose, and say something like, \u201cYou don\u2019t write very well. You need to do a better job.\u201d <\/p>\n<p>Then he would walk away, satisfied he\u2019d done the really hard work that earned him the big bucks.<\/p>\n<p>Unfortunately, I also observed that there was rarely any change or improvement in performance. And he had a hard time keeping good people in his group.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-give-tough-feedback-that-helps-people-grow\">How to Give Tough Feedback That Helps People Grow<\/h2>\n<p>The ability to give <a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/stoic-associate-how-to-deal-with-feedback-and-worry-less\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">negative feedback<\/a> is frequently cited as a defining characteristic of a strong leader. Culturally, we perceive that a certain amount of toughness is required to reprimand a team member. When delivering negative feedback, we think we must be firm and unyielding (even a tad mean) and impervious to defensiveness or anger.<\/p>\n<p>But before you go into full-on Godzilla mode, let\u2019s turn that perception inside out and try something that actually works. Here are five suggestions that can help you solve the problem at hand by motivating change. You want to allow the subject of your criticism to grow into the kind of team member you wish to have around.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-first-get-clear-about-the-goal\"><strong>1. First, get clear about the goal. <\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>The goal of delivering the difficult message to that young associate who\u2019s always roaming the halls instead of working is not to make him feel bad. Rather, the goal is to solve a business problem. (When, since Victorian-era workhouses, has feeling bad ever improved performance?) <\/p>\n<p>In this case, let\u2019s say your business problem is missed deadlines because this chatty fellow isn\u2019t focused. Get this clear in your own mind before your conversation begins. Otherwise, you\u2019ll find yourself having a conversation about whether or not he\u2019s a goof-off, instead of working together to solve the problem of deadlines. The difference really matters.<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.attorneyatwork.com\/giving-good-feedback\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener nofollow\">(See \u201cHow to Give Good Feedback Without Feeling Like a Bosshole\u201d by Dina Eisenberg.)<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-speak-in-the-passive-voice-not-the-active\">2. Speak in the passive voice, not the active. <\/h2>\n<p>Instead of \u201cYou are a poor writer,\u201d go with \u201cThat report was poorly written.\u201d It\u2019s subtle, but you can see how the passive voice shifts the focus to the <em>report<\/em> instead of the person. It sets the stage for discussing the report instead of focusing on what is wrong with the person. Then, rather than go on and on about how poorly written the report is, explain how its poor quality affected you and others:<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-background\">\u201cBecause the client didn\u2019t understand the report, we had to spend the meeting explaining rather than moving on to the urgent matter we should have dealt with.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now you\u2019re talking about the client \u2014 another good move because your subject can understand why the poorly written report was a problem and figure out with you how to avoid a repeat before the next meeting.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-make-suggestions-actionable\"><strong>3. Make suggestions actionable. <\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>True story. A fifth-year tax associate at a Midwestern law firm was told she probably wasn\u2019t going to make partner because \u201cyou don\u2019t think like the rest of us. Your thinking is too circular.\u201d Well, isn\u2019t that helpful! If actual improvement is the outcome you want from performance feedback, you\u2019ll need to learn how to give feedback that is a bit more specific. Try talking about the impact rather than the activity:<\/p>\n<p class=\"has-background\">\u201cSherry, while your observations are ultimately unique and helpful, when you verbally rehash the entire legal issue and think out loud about all possible solutions in group meetings, others in the department perceive you as a slow thinker. Often, we have all stopped listening to you by the time you get to the good part. Let\u2019s figure out how you can do some preparation prior to the meeting to avoid that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There. Now there\u2019s something she can actually do \u2026 and you can help her figure out how to do it.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-4-invite-collaboration\"><strong>4. Invite collaboration. <\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>As with Sherry, if you are interested in the young attorney growing in a way that justifies the investment you\u2019ve already made in her, you must be willing to work with her. Take time with her to identify the best action to solve the performance issue. In some cases, this may even mean that you commit to an ongoing review of her work or periodic spot checks.<\/p>\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-5-encourage-the-heart\">5. Encourage the heart. <\/h2>\n<p>It may sound trite, but Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner conducted a study that found \u201cperformance was higher when people were led by individuals who gave more encouragement.\u201d Now, thinking about your own experience on high-performing teams, don\u2019t you agree that encouragement and positive support for your work played a big part? So when you work with others on improving their professional performance, don\u2019t neglect to communicate in a positive way and to leave them feeling you want them to succeed \u2014 because their success is important to the success of the effort.<\/p>\n<p>You want them to feel you believe in them. Because you do, right?<\/p>\n<p><small><small>Illustration \u00a9iStockPhoto.com<\/small><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Instead of going into full-on Godzilla mode when giving tough feedack, try something that actually helps people grow, says Merrilyn Astin Tarlton. Listen on Attorney at Work Today. The post How to Give Tough Feedback appeared first on Articles, Tips and Tech for Law Firms and Lawyers. When delivering negative feedback, we think we must [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-132090","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-legal_matters"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132090","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=132090"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132090\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=132090"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=132090"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=132090"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}