{"id":136316,"date":"2025-11-05T01:26:47","date_gmt":"2025-11-05T09:26:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/11\/05\/i-could-smell-the-onions-and-mustard-the-harrowing-testimony-of-the-border-patrol-sandwich-victim\/"},"modified":"2025-11-05T01:26:47","modified_gmt":"2025-11-05T09:26:47","slug":"i-could-smell-the-onions-and-mustard-the-harrowing-testimony-of-the-border-patrol-sandwich-victim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2025\/11\/05\/i-could-smell-the-onions-and-mustard-the-harrowing-testimony-of-the-border-patrol-sandwich-victim\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018I Could Smell The Onions And Mustard,\u2019 The Harrowing Testimony Of The Border Patrol Sandwich Victim"},"content":{"rendered":"

Before the Portland inflatable frog, there was the D.C. Sandwich Guy. Sean Dunn, a Department of Justice paralegal, became a symbol of resistance for flinging his Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Patrol agent, Greg Lairmore, occupying D.C. as part of the Trump administration\u2019s martial law test run. Dunn lost his job with the DOJ<\/a>, but avoided indictment<\/a> when the grand jury responded with a no bill issued between fits of laughter. This allowed every lawyer in America to collectively make a crack about being able to indict a ham sandwich as the nation groaned from an overdose of lawyer dad joke energy.<\/p>\n

But the Trump administration had piled too much onto this case to let it go \u2014 including a bizarre hype video about arresting Dunn as though he was the Zodiac killer and not \u201cguy who threw some bread.\u201d And so they\u2019ve moved forward with a misdemeanor charge. <\/p>\n

Because if they thought earning a no bill was an embarrassment, why not test your luck with a 12 Angry D.C. citizens?<\/p>\n

In the intervening months, did you take a second to consider what the testimony would sound like in a trial about criminally charging someone for tossing a sandwich? Because you know who didn\u2019t<\/em> think about that: the Department of Justice. That trial began today \u2014 the day after National Sandwich Day, mind you \u2014 and the testimony did not disappoint.<\/p>\n

A Huffington Post reporter covered the proceedings.<\/p>\n

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Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.The sandwich came apart and “kind of exploded” on his chest upon impact, he says.”I could smell the onions and mustard.”<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T15:32:59.929Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Slow violin music, \u201cMy dearest Emily, me and the boys took hell this morning. Sandwiches everywhere. I scarcely believe I can eat mustard again.\u201d <\/p>\n

The prosecution has an overarching strategy to litter the proceedings with more deadly sounding jargon. Responding to the motion to dismiss, prosecutors said Dunn was \u201crecorded throwing a sandwich at a federal officer at point-blank range\u201d suggesting sandwiches become especially deadly at some specific distance. In line with this effort to drum up testimony that sounded ominous without being a blatant lie, the trial prep clearly landed on the phrase \u201ckind of exploded\u201d to help dupe jurors into thinking this was an IED in Fallujah and not a $5 footlong on U street. <\/p>\n

Shady, but nonetheless competent work. While they were high-fiving over this rhetorical coup, I want to believe Lairmore said, \u201cOh, I also could smell the onions and mustard\u2026 should I tell the jury that?\u201d and the prosecutors shrugged and said, \u201cSure, knock yourself out.\u201d<\/p>\n

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I CAN STILL SMELL THE MUSTARD, AND THE ONIONS<\/p>\n

\u2014 CRUISE SHIP DRUMMER!\u2122 (@cruiseshipdrummer.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:19:32.819Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

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\u201cI love the smell of onions and mustard in the morning!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014 HEADLESS MMORZZMAN (@mmorzz.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T17:40:05.582Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

If mustard is spicy enough, it can burn. Not like napalm, but\u2026 it might clear your sinuses. Does that matter in this case? George Conway weighs in: <\/p>\n

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Under the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines, use of yellow mustard would require a 7-level sentence enhancement, dijon 10 levels, and spicy brown 12. https:\/\/t.co\/jdcZQqaYC7<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2014 George Conway \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8\ud83d\udeab\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udc38 (@gtconway3d) November 4, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

If you thought this would mark the end of the embarrassingly stupid testimony, you would be wrong. The defense got an opportunity to cross-examine the witness and tried using a photograph to refresh his recollection.<\/p>\n

Or should I say \u201cre-Eat<\/em> fresh his recollection?\u201d I shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

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Defense is now questioning Lairmore on cross-examination. They show a video still of the sandwich and wrapper on the ground, post-throw.”Do you recognize that sandwich?” the attorney asks.Lairmore won’t confirm. “I did not go back to collect it,” he says.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T15:58:02.592Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Cue it up\u2026<\/p>\n

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\u2014 Micah (@rincewind.run)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:17:45.004Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

So much for the chain of custody. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s an important line of questioning, because to the extent the prosecution slapped themselves on the back for describing the sandwich as \u201cexploded,\u201d the photographic evidence suggests the Sandwich Artists over at Subway did a much better job than the government would have you believe. <\/p>\n

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The defense team presses Lairmore on whether the sandwich really ‘exploded.’ They return to the photo of the sandwich and wrapper on the ground.”That sandwich hasn’t exploded at all, has it?” defense asks.”It looks like a little bit is coming out towards the bottom,” Lairmore replies.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:37:31.334Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

No, that\u2019s superior wrapping and excellent sticky condiment distribution.<\/p>\n

Over the objection of the prosecution, the defense also dug into how Lairmore has managed to move on after his brush with flavor. Truly a grim tale of anguish and shock.<\/p>\n

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Lairmore testifies that other agents gave him a plush sandwich toy, which he placed on the shelf in his office, and a patch that said “Felony Footlong,” which he put on his lunch box.Lairmore has chuckled with the rest of us at times. Defense really trying to underscore the unseriousness of it all<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:45:08.070Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

That certainly doesn\u2019t sound like an officer suffering from a vicious assault. But PTSD can manifest in different ways. Hopefully, he\u2019s not moving to any small Pacific Northwest towns any time soon. And if he does\u2026 let\u2019s just hope it\u2019s a Jimmy John\u2019s town.<\/p>\n

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They tell you to eat fresh and then throw you in the garbage<\/p>\n

\u2014 pushpins (@pushpins.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T17:35:33.329Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

\n

\"Headshot\"Joe Patrice<\/a>\u00a0is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer<\/a>. Feel free to\u00a0email<\/a> any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0or Bluesky<\/a> if you\u2019re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The post \u2018I Could Smell The Onions And Mustard,\u2019 The Harrowing Testimony Of The Border Patrol Sandwich Victim<\/a> appeared first on Above the Law<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Before the Portland inflatable frog, there was the D.C. Sandwich Guy. Sean Dunn, a Department of Justice paralegal, became a symbol of resistance for flinging his Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Patrol agent, Greg Lairmore, occupying D.C. as part of the Trump administration\u2019s martial law test run. Dunn lost his job with the DOJ<\/a>, but avoided indictment<\/a> when the grand jury responded with a no bill issued between fits of laughter. This allowed every lawyer in America to collectively make a crack about being able to indict a ham sandwich as the nation groaned from an overdose of lawyer dad joke energy.<\/p>\n

But the Trump administration had piled too much onto this case to let it go \u2014 including a bizarre hype video about arresting Dunn as though he was the Zodiac killer and not \u201cguy who threw some bread.\u201d And so they\u2019ve moved forward with a misdemeanor charge. <\/p>\n

Because if they thought earning a no bill was an embarrassment, why not test your luck with a 12 Angry D.C. citizens?<\/p>\n

In the intervening months, did you take a second to consider what the testimony would sound like in a trial about criminally charging someone for tossing a sandwich? Because you know who didn\u2019t<\/em> think about that: the Department of Justice. That trial began today \u2014 the day after National Sandwich Day, mind you \u2014 and the testimony did not disappoint.<\/p>\n

A Huffington Post reporter covered the proceedings.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.The sandwich came apart and “kind of exploded” on his chest upon impact, he says.”I could smell the onions and mustard.”<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T15:32:59.929Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Slow violin music, \u201cMy dearest Emily, me and the boys took hell this morning. Sandwiches everywhere. I scarcely believe I can eat mustard again.\u201d <\/p>\n

The prosecution has an overarching strategy to litter the proceedings with more deadly sounding jargon. Responding to the motion to dismiss, prosecutors said Dunn was \u201crecorded throwing a sandwich at a federal officer at point-blank range\u201d suggesting sandwiches become especially deadly at some specific distance. In line with this effort to drum up testimony that sounded ominous without being a blatant lie, the trial prep clearly landed on the phrase \u201ckind of exploded\u201d to help dupe jurors into thinking this was an IED in Fallujah and not a $5 footlong on U street. <\/p>\n

Shady, but nonetheless competent work. While they were high-fiving over this rhetorical coup, I want to believe Lairmore said, \u201cOh, I also could smell the onions and mustard\u2026 should I tell the jury that?\u201d and the prosecutors shrugged and said, \u201cSure, knock yourself out.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

I CAN STILL SMELL THE MUSTARD, AND THE ONIONS<\/p>\n

\u2014 CRUISE SHIP DRUMMER!\u2122 (@cruiseshipdrummer.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:19:32.819Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

\n
\n
\n

\u201cI love the smell of onions and mustard in the morning!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014 HEADLESS MMORZZMAN (@mmorzz.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T17:40:05.582Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

If mustard is spicy enough, it can burn. Not like napalm, but\u2026 it might clear your sinuses. Does that matter in this case? George Conway weighs in: <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Under the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines, use of yellow mustard would require a 7-level sentence enhancement, dijon 10 levels, and spicy brown 12. https:\/\/t.co\/jdcZQqaYC7<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2014 George Conway \ud83c\uddfa\ud83c\uddf8\ud83d\udeab\ud83d\udc51\ud83d\udc38 (@gtconway3d) November 4, 2025<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

If you thought this would mark the end of the embarrassingly stupid testimony, you would be wrong. The defense got an opportunity to cross-examine the witness and tried using a photograph to refresh his recollection.<\/p>\n

Or should I say \u201cre-Eat<\/em> fresh his recollection?\u201d I shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Defense is now questioning Lairmore on cross-examination. They show a video still of the sandwich and wrapper on the ground, post-throw.”Do you recognize that sandwich?” the attorney asks.Lairmore won’t confirm. “I did not go back to collect it,” he says.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T15:58:02.592Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Cue it up\u2026<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\n

\u2014 Micah (@rincewind.run)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:17:45.004Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

So much for the chain of custody. <\/p>\n

It\u2019s an important line of questioning, because to the extent the prosecution slapped themselves on the back for describing the sandwich as \u201cexploded,\u201d the photographic evidence suggests the Sandwich Artists over at Subway did a much better job than the government would have you believe. <\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

The defense team presses Lairmore on whether the sandwich really ‘exploded.’ They return to the photo of the sandwich and wrapper on the ground.”That sandwich hasn’t exploded at all, has it?” defense asks.”It looks like a little bit is coming out towards the bottom,” Lairmore replies.<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:37:31.334Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

No, that\u2019s superior wrapping and excellent sticky condiment distribution.<\/p>\n

Over the objection of the prosecution, the defense also dug into how Lairmore has managed to move on after his brush with flavor. Truly a grim tale of anguish and shock.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Lairmore testifies that other agents gave him a plush sandwich toy, which he placed on the shelf in his office, and a patch that said “Felony Footlong,” which he put on his lunch box.Lairmore has chuckled with the rest of us at times. Defense really trying to underscore the unseriousness of it all<\/p>\n

\u2014 Dave Jamieson (@jamieson.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T16:45:08.070Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

That certainly doesn\u2019t sound like an officer suffering from a vicious assault. But PTSD can manifest in different ways. Hopefully, he\u2019s not moving to any small Pacific Northwest towns any time soon. And if he does\u2026 let\u2019s just hope it\u2019s a Jimmy John\u2019s town.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

They tell you to eat fresh and then throw you in the garbage<\/p>\n

\u2014 pushpins (@pushpins.bsky.social)<\/a> 2025-11-04T17:35:33.329Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

\n

\"Headshot\"Joe Patrice<\/a>\u00a0is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer<\/a>. Feel free to\u00a0email<\/a> any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0or Bluesky<\/a> if you\u2019re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The post \u2018I Could Smell The Onions And Mustard,\u2019 The Harrowing Testimony Of The Border Patrol Sandwich Victim<\/a> appeared first on Above the Law<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before the Portland inflatable frog, there was the D.C. Sandwich Guy. Sean Dunn, a Department of Justice paralegal, became a symbol of resistance for flinging his Subway sandwich at a Customs and Border Patrol agent, Greg Lairmore, occupying D.C. as part of the Trump administration\u2019s martial law test run. Dunn lost his job with the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":136295,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-136316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-above_the_law"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/xira.com\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Headshot-300x200-djEpCN.jpg?fit=300%2C200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136316","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=136316"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136316\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/136295"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=136316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=136316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=136316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}