{"id":145455,"date":"2026-03-05T17:47:51","date_gmt":"2026-03-06T01:47:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2026\/03\/05\/trump-dumps-kristi-noem-in-the-middle-of-her-speech-which-is-objectively-very-funny\/"},"modified":"2026-03-05T17:47:51","modified_gmt":"2026-03-06T01:47:51","slug":"trump-dumps-kristi-noem-in-the-middle-of-her-speech-which-is-objectively-very-funny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/2026\/03\/05\/trump-dumps-kristi-noem-in-the-middle-of-her-speech-which-is-objectively-very-funny\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump Dumps Kristi Noem In The Middle Of Her Speech, Which Is Objectively Very Funny"},"content":{"rendered":"

Despite building his whole brand around saying \u201cyou\u2019re fired,\u201d Donald Trump still can\u2019t bring himself to say those words out loud. At least not when it would involve admitting responsibility for making a catastrophic hire in the first place. And so Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem isn\u2019t getting \u201cfired\u201d as much as having her job taken from her and being exiled \u2014 at taxpayer expense, no doubt! \u2014 to \u201cEnvoy for The Shield of the Americas.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which is the sort of super important job<\/em> you assign a toddler to get them out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

At least Donald Trump afforded Noem the dignity of leaving the job on her own terms.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\ud83d\udea8 THIS IS NOT A DRILL. kristi noem is doing a live speech right now and doesn’t know she was fired. \ud83d\udea8<\/p>\n

\u2014 Marisa Kabas (@marisakabas.bsky.social)<\/a> 2026-03-05T19:23:58.648Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Fabulous!<\/em><\/p>\n

Noem\u2019s tenure at DHS was a rolling catastrophe. Her mismanagement included a massive expansion of immigration agents who couldn\u2019t pass the basic fitness tests of their predecessors, militarized surges involving thousands of illegal detentions, bottlenecking FEMA disaster relief by requiring personal approval on expenditures, and serious questions about the Department\u2019s finances<\/a>. And that\u2019s before we address the innocent people her agents killed.<\/p>\n

But she did show off a number of new, thematic outfits! <\/p>\n

And yet, despite all the substantive failures, what ultimately spelled the end of Gestapo Barbie was the unforgivable sin of being terrible on television<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Trump was reportedly frustrated with Noem\u2019s appearances before the Senate and House Judiciary committees this week, where she managed the impressive feat of uniting Democrats and Republicans in shared contempt. Republican Senator Thom Tillis called her leadership \u201ca disaster\u201d and compared it to the time she bragged about shooting her own dog for being \u201cuntrainable<\/a>.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cThose are bad decisions made in the heat of the moment \u2014 not unlike what happened up in Minneapolis,\u201d Tillis said.<\/p>\n

Senator John Kennedy, channeling Foghorn Leghorn as always, attacked Noem over a $220 million ad campaign that Kennedy found only \u201ceffective in your name recognition.\u201d DHS spent nearly a quarter of a billion dollars on commercials of Noem herself<\/a> telling migrants to leave the country against the backdrop of Mount Rushmore. In a curious twist, that money was funneled through a company created just 11 days before it won the contract<\/a>. Normally federal contracts have more oversight than this, but Noem invoked a national emergency to dispense with the bidding process. That company then subcontracted the work to a firm run by the husband of Noem\u2019s former chief DHS spokesperson. The firm also has ties to Noem\u2019s longtime adviser and alleged romantic partner Corey Lewandowski. Subcontractors can, of course, get around public disclosure altogether.<\/p>\n

Maybe giving her a $30 billion slush fund was a bad idea<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When Kennedy pressed her on whether Trump had approved the campaign, Noem said yes. Repeatedly. Under oath. The White House claims Trump doesn\u2019t know anything about it<\/a>. In Noem\u2019s defense, Trump doesn\u2019t seem to know where he is day-to-day so they might both be right.<\/p>\n

Republicans had no problem last year when she went before Congress and beclowned herself for not knowing what habeas corpus meant<\/a>. But being a moron is not as grave a transgression as looking embattled on screen.<\/p>\n

On that point \u2014 that the Republicans don\u2019t care how stupid an administration official might be:<\/p>\n

\"\"
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Markwayne Mullin really did need to get out of the Senate. Tommy Tuberville is running for governor of Alabama and he\u2019s the only thing standing between Mullin and the title of dumbest U.S. Senator. Mullin is a former MMA fighter who once tried to physically fight a Teamsters union president during a Senate hearing<\/a>. Recently, Mullin appeared on CNN<\/a> and struggled to explain how Iran could be rebuilding nuclear facilities that Trump had supposedly \u201cobliterated.\u201d When pressed three times on the logical contradiction, Mullin compared it to rebuilding a house after a tornado. Which is a fair analogy as long as you accept that thermonuclear devices are roughly as complex as a double wide trailer.<\/p>\n

None of this should change how Homeland Security functions. Mullin isn\u2019t being brought in to cure all those illegal detentions<\/a>, he\u2019s being brought in to keep his head mostly down amid the criticism. And when it comes to keeping his head down, Mullin has a lot of experience dating back to January 6:<\/p>\n

\"\"
(Tom Williams\/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Meanwhile, Noem is unceremoniously dispensed with by her cruel and unforgiving master for being bad at her job. And they say karma doesn\u2019t have a sense of humor.<\/p>\n

Earlier<\/strong>: Kristi Noem Thinks Habeas Corpus Is A Deportation Spell<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

\"Headshot\"Joe Patrice<\/a>\u00a0is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer<\/a>. Feel free to\u00a0email<\/a> any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0or Bluesky<\/a> if you\u2019re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The post Trump Dumps Kristi Noem In The Middle Of Her Speech, Which Is Objectively Very Funny<\/a> appeared first on Above the Law<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Despite building his whole brand around saying \u201cyou\u2019re fired,\u201d Donald Trump still can\u2019t bring himself to say those words out loud. At least not when it would involve admitting responsibility for making a catastrophic hire in the first place. And so Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem isn\u2019t getting \u201cfired\u201d as much as having her job taken from her and being exiled \u2014 at taxpayer expense, no doubt! \u2014 to \u201cEnvoy for The Shield of the Americas.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which is the sort of super important job<\/em> you assign a toddler to get them out of the kitchen.<\/p>\n

At least Donald Trump afforded Noem the dignity of leaving the job on her own terms.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\ud83d\udea8 THIS IS NOT A DRILL. kristi noem is doing a live speech right now and doesn’t know she was fired. \ud83d\udea8<\/p>\n

\u2014 Marisa Kabas (@marisakabas.bsky.social)<\/a> 2026-03-05T19:23:58.648Z<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Fabulous!<\/em><\/p>\n

Noem\u2019s tenure at DHS was a rolling catastrophe. Her mismanagement included a massive expansion of immigration agents who couldn\u2019t pass the basic fitness tests of their predecessors, militarized surges involving thousands of illegal detentions, bottlenecking FEMA disaster relief by requiring personal approval on expenditures, and serious questions about the Department\u2019s finances<\/a>. And that\u2019s before we address the innocent people her agents killed.<\/p>\n

But she did show off a number of new, thematic outfits! <\/p>\n

And yet, despite all the substantive failures, what ultimately spelled the end of Gestapo Barbie was the unforgivable sin of being terrible on television<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Trump was reportedly frustrated with Noem\u2019s appearances before the Senate and House Judiciary committees this week, where she managed the impressive feat of uniting Democrats and Republicans in shared contempt. Republican Senator Thom Tillis called her leadership \u201ca disaster\u201d and compared it to the time she bragged about shooting her own dog for being \u201cuntrainable<\/a>.\u201d <\/p>\n

\u201cThose are bad decisions made in the heat of the moment \u2014 not unlike what happened up in Minneapolis,\u201d Tillis said.<\/p>\n

Senator John Kennedy, channeling Foghorn Leghorn as always, attacked Noem over a $220 million ad campaign that Kennedy found only \u201ceffective in your name recognition.\u201d DHS spent nearly a quarter of a billion dollars on commercials of Noem herself<\/a> telling migrants to leave the country against the backdrop of Mount Rushmore. In a curious twist, that money was funneled through a company created just 11 days before it won the contract<\/a>. Normally federal contracts have more oversight than this, but Noem invoked a national emergency to dispense with the bidding process. That company then subcontracted the work to a firm run by the husband of Noem\u2019s former chief DHS spokesperson. The firm also has ties to Noem\u2019s longtime adviser and alleged romantic partner Corey Lewandowski. Subcontractors can, of course, get around public disclosure altogether.<\/p>\n

Maybe giving her a $30 billion slush fund was a bad idea<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When Kennedy pressed her on whether Trump had approved the campaign, Noem said yes. Repeatedly. Under oath. The White House claims Trump doesn\u2019t know anything about it<\/a>. In Noem\u2019s defense, Trump doesn\u2019t seem to know where he is day-to-day so they might both be right.<\/p>\n

Republicans had no problem last year when she went before Congress and beclowned herself for not knowing what habeas corpus meant<\/a>. But being a moron is not as grave a transgression as looking embattled on screen.<\/p>\n

On that point \u2014 that the Republicans don\u2019t care how stupid an administration official might be:<\/p>\n

\"\"
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Markwayne Mullin really did need to get out of the Senate. Tommy Tuberville is running for governor of Alabama and he\u2019s the only thing standing between Mullin and the title of dumbest U.S. Senator. Mullin is a former MMA fighter who once tried to physically fight a Teamsters union president during a Senate hearing<\/a>. Recently, Mullin appeared on CNN<\/a> and struggled to explain how Iran could be rebuilding nuclear facilities that Trump had supposedly \u201cobliterated.\u201d When pressed three times on the logical contradiction, Mullin compared it to rebuilding a house after a tornado. Which is a fair analogy as long as you accept that thermonuclear devices are roughly as complex as a double wide trailer.<\/p>\n

None of this should change how Homeland Security functions. Mullin isn\u2019t being brought in to cure all those illegal detentions<\/a>, he\u2019s being brought in to keep his head mostly down amid the criticism. And when it comes to keeping his head down, Mullin has a lot of experience dating back to January 6:<\/p>\n

\"\"
(Tom Williams\/CQ-Roll Call, Inc via Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Meanwhile, Noem is unceremoniously dispensed with by her cruel and unforgiving master for being bad at her job. And they say karma doesn\u2019t have a sense of humor.<\/p>\n

Earlier<\/strong>: Kristi Noem Thinks Habeas Corpus Is A Deportation Spell<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

\"Headshot\"Joe Patrice<\/a>\u00a0is a senior editor at Above the Law and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer<\/a>. Feel free to\u00a0email<\/a> any tips, questions, or comments. Follow him on\u00a0Twitter<\/a>\u00a0or Bluesky<\/a> if you\u2019re interested in law, politics, and a healthy dose of college sports news. Joe also serves as a Managing Director at RPN Executive Search<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The post Trump Dumps Kristi Noem In The Middle Of Her Speech, Which Is Objectively Very Funny<\/a> appeared first on Above the Law<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Despite building his whole brand around saying \u201cyou\u2019re fired,\u201d Donald Trump still can\u2019t bring himself to say those words out loud. At least not when it would involve admitting responsibility for making a catastrophic hire in the first place. And so Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem isn\u2019t getting \u201cfired\u201d as much as having her job […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":145456,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-145455","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-above_the_law"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/xira.com\/p\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/03\/Headshot-300x200-zuFNw2.jpg?fit=300%2C200&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145455","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=145455"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/145455\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/145456"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=145455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=145455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xira.com\/p\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=145455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}