Getting Over Yourself: Becoming the Lawyer You Want to Be

Gray Robinson | “Get over yourself” isn’t just a jab or figure of speech. It’s a neurological workout, requiring you to confront the stories your brain loves to tell.
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‘Get over yourself’ isn’t just a jab. It means getting out of your own way, past self-sabotage, so you can discover who you’re meant to be.

The phrase “get over yourself,” usually directed at someone who is perceived as thinking too highly of themselves, has been around a long time. Ironically, the hardest journey in life can be what this jab points to: how to get over yourself so you can become the person you want to be.

“Getting over yourself” isn’t just a figure of speech. It’s a neurological workout, requiring you to confront the stories your brain loves to tell and the patterns it clings to for comfort. Why? Because your brain is wired for survival, not transformation. And survival loves a predictable narrative.

I’m sure that at this point in your legal career and life, you’ve climbed mountains of deadlines, swam through oceans of chaos, and battled dragons made of breakups, career upheaval, losses of family or friends, and possibly even awkward conversations on first dates. And yet, here you are, facing what might be the most challenging quest of all: getting over the stories you have been telling yourself about yourself all these years.

The First Step in Discovering Who You Really Are

I imagine most of us would rather choose a more exciting quest, like hiking the Himalayas, going on a silent retreat in Bali, or skydiving into the unknown. If you’re like me, for many years, you have intentionally chosen other adventures. But this journey of “getting over self” is where true transformation can happen.

Why the reluctance? Because “yourself” is stubborn. Yourself can be the most unrelenting, deeply resistant creature of habit the world has ever known. And, of course, it’s not just you, but all of us.

‘Yourself’ has a whole arsenal of excuses, justifications and stories designed to keep you exactly where you are.

Think about it. How many times have you convinced yourself you’re too tired, too busy or just not ready to confront yourself? You can frame it as self-awareness, but sometimes it’s just self-sabotage in a clever disguise.

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

You’re not procrastinating — you’re “waiting for clarity.”

You’re not avoiding feedback — you’re “protecting your peace.”

You’re not afraid to fail — you’re just “making sure the timing is right.”

Getting over yourself means confronting these comforting little lies. It means pulling back the curtain on your inner drama and realizing the roadblock isn’t the situation, the timing or the other people. It’s the version of you that insists it’s special enough to be exempt from trying.

Understanding Cognitive Bias’ Role

Neuroscience has a term for this: cognitive bias. Your brain loves to convince you that your perspective is the most accurate, your feelings are the most justified, and your fears are the most insurmountable. Your brain has good intentions. Its job is to keep you safe, and stepping out of your comfort zone feels dangerous. But what your brain sees as a life-threatening risk is, unfortunately, becoming a wider and wider net for most of us.

Then there’s your ego, that self-preserving little beast whispering in your ear:

“What if you try and fail?

“What will people think?

“What will they think if you succeed or if you fail? Either way, some people are going to be resentful of you. This isn’t the right time. Better to play it safe.”

Your ego doesn’t know the difference between genuine danger and the discomfort of growth. It only cares about keeping you “comfortable” and “safe.”

The further irony is that our views around safety in our work, our relationships, and even our homes are not wholly accurate. In most cases, perceived safety and stability could be taken away at any time. The pandemic surely taught us that.

So, while our brain is telling you to cling to what is seen as safe, which is actually what is familiar, you don’t make the effort to get yourself anywhere new.

Here’s the Good News: You’re Not Stuck With the Brain You Have

Neuroscience has discovered that thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain. The process of “getting over yourself” involves creating new neural pathways that challenge the old stories and teach your brain a different way to respond to discomfort.

Start with awareness.

When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m just not the kind of person who can do that,” pause and examine it. Is it true, or is it a protective mechanism your brain is using to avoid uncertainty? Neuroscience shows that simply naming your thoughts and emotions — “Ah, that’s fear talking” — activates the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, and calms your amygdala.

Next, practice cognitive flexibility.

This is your brain’s ability to adapt and shift perspectives. When you feel stuck in your own story, ask yourself, “What is another way to see this?“ Instead of, “I can’t do this,” try, “What if I could, even if I do it messily?”

Over time, this rewiring helps your brain create more adaptive pathways, making it easier to challenge limiting beliefs.

Then there’s action.

Your brain learns by doing, not just thinking. When you take even the smallest step outside your comfort zone, you show your brain that the world doesn’t end when you try. Each small success triggers a release of dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, reinforcing the new pathway and making it easier to act again.

And self-compassion.

Research shows that being kind to yourself activates the brain’s caregiving system, reducing stress and calming the fear-driven parts of your brain. Getting over yourself doesn’t mean beating yourself up for past mistakes; it means acknowledging them, learning from them and moving forward without judgment.

The Hardest Part of This Journey?

The hardest part of getting over yourself is admitting you’re not always the hero of your story. Sometimes you’re the villain, tying yourself to the railroad tracks with excuses and fear. Again, playing the villain does not mean you should stop and judge yourself and enter into new therapy to understand why you self-sabotage. The beauty is that once you see it, you can change it. For free.

It is the ultimate step in personal growth: taking responsibility for your life.

It’s up to you to commit a series of small acts of bravery:

• Taking responsibility for your choices.
• Letting go of perfectionism.
• Leaning into the discomfort of growth.

If you feel uncomfortable when you’re trying to do things in a new way, believe you are on track to change. Each step builds momentum, rewiring your brain to see effort, vulnerability and even failure not as threats, but as essential parts of becoming the person you want to be.

So, yes, sometimes the hardest journey is to get over yourself. But once you understand how your brain works, you can begin to work with it instead of against it. And once you’re no longer standing in your own way, the possibilities are endless.

If someone says it to you, you can tell them, “I’m working on it!”