For years, I dreaded public speaking. Not just speaking in front of large audiences, but also in front of small ones. In fact, I hated any social setting where I had to interact with anybody. You know that icebreaker when you go around the room and you introduce yourself and say something interesting or funny about yourself? That would send me into a full-fledged panic attack.
I realized, as a litigator and, more importantly, as a trial lawyer, that I had to overcome my fear of interacting with others and learn to communicate in all public settings. Before I describe my approach on how I went from then to now, let’s briefly discuss behavioral modification.
Let’s assume you’re afraid of spiders. You see a behavioral psychologist, and you tell her that you want to overcome your fear of spiders (arachnophobia). The psychologist will guide you through a series of steps, where in each step, you will have increasing exposure to your fear until you learn to live with it or overcome it.
During your first session with the psychologist, she may show you a book with a photo of a spider. The following week, she may pull up a video on her laptop for you to watch a spider. The following week, the psychologist may ask you to visit a local pet store and observe a spider in a glass cage. The following week, the psychologist may bring a spider in a container for you to look at. The following week, the psychologist may open the container and ask you to take a close look inside. And the week after, the psychologist may pick up the spider and put it in your hand. The following week, the psychologist may ask you to buy a spider as a pet and keep it at home. The idea behind this approach is that each successive week, you are exposed to the next level or layer, getting closer to the thing you fear, and dealing with it more directly until you can confront it or the fear dissipates.
The same approach applies to public speaking. I used this method when I transitioned from being terrified of any social interaction to confidently speaking in front of hundreds of people every week. This transformation is a testament to the power of incremental steps in overcoming fear.
I started my journey in public speaking with private setting opportunities – namely, meeting someone for coffee. I had multiple coffee meetings over the course of a year before I started volunteering to speak publicly. This one-on-one session helped me become comfortable sitting across from someone, engaging in conversation, learning about and appreciating body language, and improving my overall communication skills.
From there, I started doing webinars. I could do them in the privacy of my own office, and I didn’t have to stand in front of an audience. I could rely on PowerPoint or notes without the audience appreciating that I was doing just that.
I graduated from webinars. I started doing podcast interviews, where I was the guest of honor. It was generally casual, didn’t require much preparation, and it got me used to speaking in the setting, which would be recorded and then heard by others.
And then I started doing presentations in small settings in front of groups that I considered safe. In front of my church, Sunday school classes, and other groups, where it didn’t really matter how I looked or how I came across – these were safe spaces.
And then I started giving presentations, where I moderated the panel, which relieved some of the pressure. I eventually became a panelist on a panel and then a solo speaker to the audience.
And then I started giving numerous presentations, where I would speak to dozens, then hundreds, of people as a keynote speaker, often for over an hour, two hours, or even three hours.
Today, I have delivered over 500 presentations, both virtually and in person, hosted over 100 webinars, and been a guest on more than 100 additional webinars. And it all started with just having coffee with someone.
So, whatever fear you have, whether it’s public speaking or something else, start on the periphery of that fear and work your way towards the heart of it, tackling it one step at a time. As you progress, you’ll move further into the fear and closer to its center, taking on the fear head-on. That’s how you overcome every fear.
Remember, overcoming a phobia is like eating an elephant, one bite at a time. Start with the easiest aspects of the phobia and progressively work towards the more challenging elements. Eventually, you’ll learn to live with fear or overcome it, and either way, you’ll be in control and closer to where you want to be.
Frank Ramos is a partner at Goldberg Segalla in Miami, where he practices commercial litigation, products, and catastrophic personal injury. You can follow him on LinkedIn, where he has about 80,000 followers.
The post Overcoming Your Fear Of Spiders, Snakes, And Public Speaking appeared first on Above the Law.
For years, I dreaded public speaking. Not just speaking in front of large audiences, but also in front of small ones. In fact, I hated any social setting where I had to interact with anybody. You know that icebreaker when you go around the room and you introduce yourself and say something interesting or funny about yourself? That would send me into a full-fledged panic attack.
I realized, as a litigator and, more importantly, as a trial lawyer, that I had to overcome my fear of interacting with others and learn to communicate in all public settings. Before I describe my approach on how I went from then to now, let’s briefly discuss behavioral modification.
Let’s assume you’re afraid of spiders. You see a behavioral psychologist, and you tell her that you want to overcome your fear of spiders (arachnophobia). The psychologist will guide you through a series of steps, where in each step, you will have increasing exposure to your fear until you learn to live with it or overcome it.
During your first session with the psychologist, she may show you a book with a photo of a spider. The following week, she may pull up a video on her laptop for you to watch a spider. The following week, the psychologist may ask you to visit a local pet store and observe a spider in a glass cage. The following week, the psychologist may bring a spider in a container for you to look at. The following week, the psychologist may open the container and ask you to take a close look inside. And the week after, the psychologist may pick up the spider and put it in your hand. The following week, the psychologist may ask you to buy a spider as a pet and keep it at home. The idea behind this approach is that each successive week, you are exposed to the next level or layer, getting closer to the thing you fear, and dealing with it more directly until you can confront it or the fear dissipates.
The same approach applies to public speaking. I used this method when I transitioned from being terrified of any social interaction to confidently speaking in front of hundreds of people every week. This transformation is a testament to the power of incremental steps in overcoming fear.
I started my journey in public speaking with private setting opportunities – namely, meeting someone for coffee. I had multiple coffee meetings over the course of a year before I started volunteering to speak publicly. This one-on-one session helped me become comfortable sitting across from someone, engaging in conversation, learning about and appreciating body language, and improving my overall communication skills.
From there, I started doing webinars. I could do them in the privacy of my own office, and I didn’t have to stand in front of an audience. I could rely on PowerPoint or notes without the audience appreciating that I was doing just that.
I graduated from webinars. I started doing podcast interviews, where I was the guest of honor. It was generally casual, didn’t require much preparation, and it got me used to speaking in the setting, which would be recorded and then heard by others.
And then I started doing presentations in small settings in front of groups that I considered safe. In front of my church, Sunday school classes, and other groups, where it didn’t really matter how I looked or how I came across – these were safe spaces.
And then I started giving presentations, where I moderated the panel, which relieved some of the pressure. I eventually became a panelist on a panel and then a solo speaker to the audience.
And then I started giving numerous presentations, where I would speak to dozens, then hundreds, of people as a keynote speaker, often for over an hour, two hours, or even three hours.
Today, I have delivered over 500 presentations, both virtually and in person, hosted over 100 webinars, and been a guest on more than 100 additional webinars. And it all started with just having coffee with someone.
So, whatever fear you have, whether it’s public speaking or something else, start on the periphery of that fear and work your way towards the heart of it, tackling it one step at a time. As you progress, you’ll move further into the fear and closer to its center, taking on the fear head-on. That’s how you overcome every fear.
Remember, overcoming a phobia is like eating an elephant, one bite at a time. Start with the easiest aspects of the phobia and progressively work towards the more challenging elements. Eventually, you’ll learn to live with fear or overcome it, and either way, you’ll be in control and closer to where you want to be.
Frank Ramos is a partner at Goldberg Segalla in Miami, where he practices commercial litigation, products, and catastrophic personal injury. You can follow him on LinkedIn, where he has about 80,000 followers.
The post Overcoming Your Fear Of Spiders, Snakes, And Public Speaking appeared first on Above the Law.
