Paula M. Lawhon: She Literally Wrote the Book on Family Law Mediation
When people say an attorney “wrote the book” on a topic, it’s usually just a metaphor. In the case of Paula M. Lawhon, it happens to be literally true.
Her forthcoming book, Steering the Ship: A Case Management for Mediators—to be released in early 2026—captures what she has spent over 20 years refining: a clear, compassionate, structurally sound approach to family law mediation that empowers clients and helps them move through conflict with dignity. The manuscript is the natural extension of a career shaped by intuition, rigorous training, and a calling she recognized early: the calling to help people resolve conflict without destroying what they value most.
Today, Lawhon is a full-time private mediator, a certified specialist in family law (State Bar of California, Board of Legal Specialization), and the founder of Lawhon Law & Mediation, P.C. Over her 25 years in practice—over 20 of those in mediation—she has conducted more than a thousand mediations, completed hundreds of hours of specialized training, and has presented at dozens of conferences and continuing legal education courses. She has become a trusted figure across Northern California’s legal community, known for her balanced temperament, her ability to see conflict from all angles, and her unwavering belief in the power of respectful dialogue.
But her path to this work was hardly linear.
Finding the Work She Was ‘Meant to Do’
Long before she was an attorney, Lawhon spent her days conducting civil and criminal defense investigations. It was gritty, human work—interviews, field investigations, listening to the stories that form the backbone of legal conflict. That experience opened her eyes to the impact attorneys could have on people’s lives, and it ignited a desire to do more.
“I wasn’t planning on being an attorney,” she remembers. “But as an investigator, I saw the work that attorneys were doing and thought, That’s the path where I can make a difference.’ I wanted to be in trials, doing good work, helping people.”
She pursued that path with determination. After graduating from UC Irvine with a degree in criminology, law & society, she attended UC Hastings College of the Law, earning her Juris Doctor in 1999 as a public interest scholar. She was admitted to the California Bar the same year and began a career in litigation—a fast-paced, adversarial world that she quickly discovered did not align with the work she felt called to do.
Her “aha” moment came not in a courtroom, but in a courthouse hallway.
“I was in trials and going to court for motion hearings, and I was fascinated by how many people never actually sat down and tried to talk about their issues before coming to court,” she says. “Often the first time they had the chance to discuss options or even hear the other person’s perspective was in the hallway outside the courtroom. I found myself stepping into that gap, helping them talk. I became a sort of de facto mediator trying to facilitate settlements.”
The experience was revelatory. She realized she was doing work that was natural, intuitive, and meaningful; but she also knew she needed more tools. She signed up for formal mediation training through Community Boards, the Northern California Mediation Center, UC Berkeley, and JAMS programs, learning from influential trainers and expert civil and family law mediators. The blend of instinct and training reshaped her career trajectory.
She opened her own practice in San Francisco in 2005, later expanding to Marin County, and mediation soon became her full-time focus.
A Mediation
Philosophy Rooted
in Empowerment
Over the years, Lawhon has developed a fluid and adaptive mediation philosophy. Rather than adhering to a single model, she draws on a spectrum of approaches depending on the dynamics in the room. She describes her work as a blend of compassionate facilitation, strategic case management, and steady forward momentum. Her goal is always the same: to empower clients to make their own decisions while ensuring they feel seen, heard, and supported.
She is known for her ability to guide clients without pushing them, to maintain structure without rigidity, and to manage delicate emotional terrain without slipping into the role of therapist. This balance, she believes, comes from decades of experience coupled with the understanding that family law mediation is not simply a milder version of litigation—it is its own discipline, requiring nuanced skills and a deep tolerance for complexity.
One of the most significant evolutions in her work has been learning how to evaluate which clients are a good fit for mediation. “I’m extremely optimistic by nature,” she says. “I used to assume I could help everyone. But part of being a mature mediator is understanding fit. Not every case or every moment in a couple’s story is right for mediation.”
Still, she remains deeply committed to trying. “Every family is different,” she says. “The case you have in the morning is nothing like the one you see that afternoon. You have to be ready to pivot, to meet them where they are and still provide structure and guidance.”
When Mediation Changes the Destination
While mediation is often sought as a pathway to divorce, Lawhon has learned that sometimes its purpose is very different. She recalls a number of cases over the years where she sensed a disconnect between the couple’s stated desire to separate and their emotional presentation. Something just didn’t align.
“When you sense ambivalence—such as when both parties demonstrate significant emotional reactions or hesitation about the divorce process—you can often feel there’s still a lot of love there and a glimmer of hope that the marriage might be salvagable,” she says. “In some of those cases, the couples realized that divorce wasn’t actually what they needed. Sometimes they needed to restructure their financial partnership, communicate differently, or understand each other’s concerns more deeply..”
These cases require immense sensitivity and attunement. They also reinforce her belief that mediation is not simply about ending relationships—it’s about clarifying them.
“Ultimately, it’s about paying attention,” she says. “Not coming in with a formula. Really seeing who’s in front of you and figuring out how you can best help them.”
The Human Qualities Behind the Work
Lawhon often jokes that she was destined for this work: “I like to say I’m a middle child of parents who divorced twice. That alone probably set the stage.” But her background in investigations, her natural ability to empathize with multiple perspectives, and her comfort with emotional intensity all contribute to her success as a neutral.
“I genuinely hear both sides,” she explains. “Early on, that worried me a little. I represented one person, but I was so in tune with the other party’s needs and concerns and would work to balance both parties’ needs to resolve disputes. Then I realized—it’s a strength to be able to see both sides’ perspectives. It’s why mediation is such a good fit for me.”
Colleagues often tell her, “I don’t know how you do this.” But for Lawhon, it never feels like a performance of neutrality—it is her default setting.
The Emotional Weight
of the Work—and the Necessity of Self-Care
Family law mediation exposes practitioners to a wide emotional spectrum. Lawhon sees people at their lowest, their most hopeful, their most afraid. She sees heartbreak, but she also sees extraordinary collaboration.
“Some things I see really stay with me such as emotional devastation or destructive conflict,” she acknowledges. “But I also see people working together beautifully for the benefit of their children. When you do this thoughtfully, you can help them move forward. When people are locked into unhealthy conflict patterns, it can be harder to help them through this with grace.”
The emotional weight can be significant. “We carry so much,” she says. “Mediators hold space for the emotional complexity our clients bring to mediation. We have to consciously release it otherwise it can weigh us down and not allow us to do our best work as mediators.”
Over the years, she has learned the importance of regular self-care—including restorative downtime, and being mindful about her own energy. Interestingly, the work has positively influenced her home life as well. “I’ve learned when to let things go,” she says smiling.
A Collaborative,
Interdisciplinary
Approach
Another defining feature of Lawhon’s evolution is her shift toward interdisciplinary collaboration. Early in her practice, she frequently referred clients to therapists for co-parent counseling, but she noticed inefficiencies: clients were having the same conversations twice, once with her and once with their co-parenting counselor.
That realization led her toward forms of co-mediation with mental health professionals and financial professionals, with whom she frequently presents at statewide and national family law conferences. Her appreciation for collaboration in practice deepened when her law partner, Shelley Kennedy, joined her nearly 15 years ago. “Having a colleague with complementary skills who shares your mindset for helping clients and managing the details of every case creates a better mediation practice,” she says. “We work together in ways that truly benefit our clients from thinking through tough issues together to co-drafting agreements and keeping cases moving efficiently but thoughtfully through the process.”
After relocating her practice from San Francisco to Marin County around 2015—and later adapting through the pandemic—Lawhon now operates with a flexible, hybrid approach, meeting clients virtually or in person depending on their needs.
Why Family Law
Mediation Needs Its Own Curriculum
Lawhon is candid about a problem she sees in legal education: most law schools don’t teach family law mediation as a discrete discipline. While many have increased their emphasis on dispute resolution generally, very few offer specialized training tailored to the complexity of family conflict and instead focus on dispute resolution of civil matters only.
“Family law mediation is its own world,” she insists. “It requires different skills than civil mediation. Emotional complexity, parenting issues, financial planning and restructuring, real estate and tax law—it all comes together here. We need more mediation training specifically for this field.”
Her forthcoming book seeks to address that gap by offering practical, step-by-step guidance on case management for family law mediators—a subject she believes should be foundational.
“If more people understood the full scope of what mediators can do—in family law and other types of cases, how they can guide and support cases from the outset and not just in settlement conferences, we might have more practitioners entering this field,” she says. “I want to show that mediation isn’t just a viable career path—it’s an incredibly rewarding one.”
A Thought Leader
in the Field
Throughout her career, Lawhon has contributed to the intellectual landscape of family law mediation. She has written extensively, authoring pieces on the role of mediation in modern family law cases, how to retrain attorneys to better support mediating clients, and best practices for crafting enforceable settlement agreements. She explored issues such as same-sex dissolutions long before they were widely discussed in continuing education programs.
From 2006-2017, she published her mediation blog, San Francisco Mediation: A Better Solution, which is still available online to provide practical guidance and reflections on the evolving dispute resolution landscape for individuals considering mediation for divorce, custody issues, and pre-marital agreements.
I want people—clients and colleagues—to remember that I listened. That I genuinely saw them. That I helped them move forward in the most thoughtful way possible.”
Looking Ahead:
A Legacy of Listening
When asked what impact she hopes to leave on the field, Lawhon reflects for a moment. She wants to help grow a new generation of mediators—attorneys who are drawn not to combat but to resolution, who recognize the power of neutrality and human connection, and non-attorneys who are drawn to the field of family law mediation to support families in need.
She wants her forthcoming book to demystify the case management side of mediation so practitioners feel more equipped to build sustainable, efficient practices as case managers guiding clients and professionals through the complexities of their cases. She wants law schools to treat family mediation as a vital discipline, not an afterthought.
But most of all, she hopes to be remembered for how she treated the people who came through her door.
“I want people—clients and colleagues—to remember that I listened. That I genuinely saw them. That I helped them move forward in the most thoughtful way possible.”
Whether helping a couple untangle a complex financial picture, guiding parents toward a new co-parenting rhythm, or simply creating a space where two people can hear each other for the first time, Lawhon’s work is rooted in clarity, compassion, and a remarkable ability to hold space for others.
It is no wonder that so many have called her a natural. She wrote the book on mediation—but long before she ever put pen to paper, she was already helping people steer the ship.
At a Glance
Lawhon Law & Mediation, P.C.
4040 Civic Center Dr. Suite 200
San Rafael, CA 94903
415-398-3400
www.sfmediation.com
Mediation Services
- Divorce
- Legal Separation and Domestic Partnerships, Co-habitation Agreements, Pre-Marital and Post-Marital Agreements
- Child Custody & Parenting Plans
- Case Management for Mediation
- Collaboration with Mental Health and Interdisciplinary Neutrals, Consultant to Mediators
Education
- Juris Doctor, University of California, Hastings College of the Law, 1999
- Bachelor of Arts, Criminology, Law & Society, University of California, Irvine, 1996
Professional Memberships
- State Bar of California
- Certified Specialist in Family Law, State Bar of California, Board of Legal Specialization
- Marin County Bar Association
- Bar Association of San Francisco
- Association of Professional Family Law Mediators
- Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, California
Honors & Awards
- Northern California Super Lawyers, 2013-2025
- Northern California Rising Stars, 2009-2012
- Top Women Attorneys in Northern California, 2014-2015
- Best of the Best – Bay Area Parent, 2019-2025
Hobbies
- Hiking
- Swimming
- Running
- Yoga
- Reading & Traveling
Favorite Quote
- “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” – Albert Einstein
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