Gray Robinson | There are many ways to self-motivate, but beating yourself up is not sustainable.
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Banish the demons of self-doubt! We’re all works in progress. Instead of beating yourself up, embrace every stage of your journey toward becoming the best version of yourself.

How Far From Here to There?

In the age of avatars, where we are surrounded by so many diverse choices, it is easy to imagine living a different life. To some, this may feel like pure fantasy. But many of us are working to create actual change in ourselves and our lives.

How wide is the gap between the potential you and the comforting familiarity of who you are now? Perhaps you believe the gap is too far to cross. Or maybe you can imagine yourself closing the gap — and have clear ideas on how to do so. No matter your vantage point, the journey between who you are and who you want to be is not about dissatisfaction with your current self. Change should be driven by a profound desire to become the best version of yourself.

You Can Be Amazing and Still Want to Be Better

When you’re driven by dissatisfaction, you’re often plagued by a sense of inadequacy. You focus on what you lack and often find yourself in a relentless pursuit of perfection. This mindset can be draining and counterproductive, leading you to chase external validation.

I know, I was on this hamster wheel as a trial lawyer for 27 years. Your mindset is fraught with comparisons, reinforcing the constant feeling of not measuring up. There are many ways to self-motivate, but beating yourself up is not a sustainable way to do it. That just keeps the hamster wheel running too fast to jump off.

In contrast, the desire to be your best self is rooted in a deep appreciation for your current self. It’s about acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses, as well as understanding that growth is a continuously rewarding (even if sometimes grueling) process.

The Desire to Be the Best You Comes from a Place of Self-Acceptance and Love

We’re all works in progress, doing our best under a staggering amount of external input and juggling the expectations of clients, colleagues, our family and ourselves. There is no need to make the journey more difficult by criticizing yourself along the way.

To truly enjoy the journey, embrace your imperfections and see them as opportunities for improvement. When I look back, I think about all the time I spent fixating on my shortcomings: the things my brothers did better, my colleagues did better, and other husbands did better. I don’t believe time is ever wasted. However, if I had to give my younger self advice, I would tell him to lighten up. I would tell him to keep working toward his goals without comparing himself to other people.

Becoming Your Best Self

Being the best version of yourself doesn’t mean being perfect; it means being authentic, resilient and committed to personal development. This mindset shift allows you to set realistic goals that align with your values and passions. Here are a few things to keep in mind during your journey.

Start by Setting Small, Achievable Goals

I know this may sound trite, but it works. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory worth celebrating. By praising yourself for small steps, you build momentum and confidence, reinforcing the belief that you are capable of growth and change.

Of course, you’re going to encounter challenges and setbacks. I like to think of them as classes I didn’t ask to take but I had to learn the lesson anyway. They’re not signs of failure but rather integral parts of your journey. Each step back can present you with an opportunity to learn and grow.

Remember, You Are Only Competing Against Yourself

Your best self — Becoming the Best Version of Yourself Doesn’t Mean Being Perfect 5

You’re not racing against anyone else; you are striving to surpass your own milestones.

Commit to Radical Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would for a close friend. This means acknowledging your efforts, forgiving mistakes, and encouraging yourself to keep going. Self-compassion nurtures your mental and emotional health, making it far more likely that you’ll keep up with new habits and patterns — and that moving through your life will be enjoyable.

Work to Be Your Best, While Not Focusing on Being the Best

This may seem like an oxymoron, but it’s about embracing who you are today while passionately striving for who you can become. As I said before, we will all always be works in progress. So, take a deep breath and step into your gap with confidence and curiosity.

Finally, celebrate who you are and where you’re at. Embrace every stage of your journey to becoming the best version of yourself.

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